Friends

With all honesty, how much do we need friends? Can we live without them? Can we be who we are today if it were not for them? Are friends really your friends or are they your acquaintances? What does a friend mean?

The definition of a "Friend"

–noun

1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.

3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?

4. a member of the same nation, party, etc.

5. ( initial capital letter ) a member of the Religious Society of friends; a Quaker.

I like how it defines friend, on the first one. A person attached to another by feelings of affection OR personal regard, So friends are people who have feelings for you, someone who cares about you, this I agree with. But I disagree that everyone is your friend, people use the word "friend" for everyone these days. But in reality, not everyone cares about your best interest, most people care only about their personal interests. When someone really cares about you that makes you a best friend, this is a friend.

2. A person who gives assistance; patron; supporter, When a person helps another they assume they are "friends" and in a way they are, because they are not your enemy. The reason why I am talking about this today is because, I notice everyone around me surround themselves with "friends" they can not live without their "friends" sometimes I am jealous because I do not have many, just a handful I can really call friends.

After an encounter with someone close who I choose not to name, was betrayed by his/her friends, I felt so weird, that he/she can still call them his/her friend...I could not understand, how can you talk to someone again after they had just been brutally unkind to you, and left you out in the street literally to wait for an hour because they had just got to a party and didn't want to leave so soon, when this friend has helped so much for that person, you could not spare one minute of your time to lend a caring hand? This is not a friend. This is an abomination...

I do not have many friends because I do not seek friends, there are very few people I actually trust in this world, to not hurt me. One of them being my best friend, Kyle, we have had many problems in the past, have fought many times, but every single time we fight we become good friends again, sooner or later. Every time I call, he picks up, and is usually always willing to hang out or do something, even if that something is a whole lot of nothing. Not even my own family does that, of course to me he is much more than my best friend, he is my brother, I believe that if reincarnation exists we were friends in another life too. I always wish the best for him, and he the same for me. If something happened to him, I would be devastated, I'd be like Achilles when Hector killed Patroclus in the Illiad.

"A best friend is someone who has proven their loyalty and love through many trials. A best friend is loyal, cheers you up when you are down, and helps bring out the best in you. People who can count at least one best friend among their acquaintances are rich indeed." - Anonymous

I am so lucky to have friends in my life... I can be myself, and not feel weird when I do something stupid, (when I'm sober) which is surprisingly often. I am rich indeed, sometimes I think that I am a very lucky person and have something so rare that people would be jealous of me. I see people today that have many "friends" and get fucked over by them OFTEN. And I don't mean they prank them, I mean they really fuck them over. I don't even trust my own step-brother, I mean sure he's a good person, and has helped me a lot, but in EVERY SINGLE situation that he's helped me, it's always been because it had benefited him in some way. Like Peter Griffin buying Lois an old school arcade game, for their anniversary...he just pushes her aside and begins playing it. xD I love that episode.

This blog is my mind on paper, what goes through it, what I think, how I feel, my very own personal thoughts, am I crazy? You be the judge! The Mind of a Psychopath

Humans Are All Insane

Where is our place in the world? Where is our place in spirituality? Is there really a spiritual realm that we can really go too? What about the creatures that evolved before us? Sometimes I ask all these questions, always with a question mark at the end. To try to understand is almost futile.

To us we see God as this supreme being who is righteous in everything he does, but really what makes him so righteous? Does he not feel anger and jealousy? Did he not say not to idolize? That shows jealousy, yet when he tells us not to be jealous, we are sinning, but he is of course right! We were made in his image, so of course do we not feel the same emotions? Yet in the end we are punished. God has killed many, he's justified all his deaths, and till this day, God lets millions die everyday, who's fault is it really? The Devils? If God wanted too, he could restore immortality to us. Yet everyday goes by exactly the same, for millions of years, it has been this way.

After learning about Natural Selection, I've come to believe less and less in God, evolution actually makes a lot of sense. All the creatures that were able to adapt lived longer and evolved due to that gene, such as a bird, who is born with a pointy beak instead of a rounded one, was able to pick food out of a tree hole better than the others, and it passed it's gene to another who also inherited the same beak. Same can be said for the breeding, and how many offspring they laid. Till this day insects, amphibians, and reptiles have survived, all of which have been living a very long time, because they were able to adapt. Mankind has evolved and created it's own adaptation, so that we do not have to struggle with the wildlife, or the natural diseases that come our way, scientists have said there are diseases that can go right outside the bounds by one step and destroy many. We have created mechanisms that require two hands and two legs, hearing and sight, what if the world changes and those become useless? The planet is slowly moving towards the extinction of many living creatures. Maybe Jesus saw that, maybe he saw that the world would eventually destroy those creatures again. Same with happened to the dinosaurs, and the amphibians before them, eventually the weather changed, there were more earthquakes, droughts, or over flooding. What we are experiencing in life today is not the beginning of Armageddon. It may be the beginning of our extinction.

I can't blame anyone who truly believes in God, ever, and I think the people who are lonely, need him, he's a make believe friend. A friend that no matter what at night when someone feels completely and utterly alone because everyone has abandoned her/him there is someone who hasn't. As my mother used to tell us, "It feels like someone is listening." Sometimes that's all people want, in the world, is someone to listen to them, they don't care, if you agree or disagree, sometimes they may be talking rash, and pretty much just a bunch of shit is coming out of their mouth, if you disagree the person may even love you more, because you acknowledged that person.

So what can I say about a spiritual world? I think you create your own, your own little haven where you can go to when you have nothing left. When the world has stuck it's fangs in you and drank your blood dry. To me my spiritual place is home, I always feel safe at home, playing Xbox 360 with a good friend, his wife, and his dad, to me that's spiritual, I am safe. It's my lair. Even if it's just to watch a movie by myself, or a good anime. To me my bed, is my resting place, I always want it to be my safety. This is bad and good at the same time, because I may stay out of trouble, but I never venture into the world, it's my own little shell, but what if you grew up that way and you really don't mind having a good job, a wife and a kid, with a good friend or two. Why does life have to be more complicated than that.

Sometimes I feel guilt over stupid things and not everyone really knows why I give it so much thought, it is because I am usually always observing things that I wish I did not observe, I try to be different, but in the end I'm not. I am a hypocrite like every other human being on this planet. I try my utmost best to tell the world, look at me, I am kind and loving, and wouldn't hurt a soul, but to be honest, I would destroy a soul if they messed with my family. So how can I say I am good when I obviously am not? How can I preach to someone to do what is just and turn around and do the very thing I told them not too? All I can do is hold my head up and take responsibility for my actions. It's the way it should always have been. But you know all the things that have happened to me, I appreciate because I don't take those things for granted anymore. For a long time, I hated the thought that everyone who met me or spoke to me saw me as innocent, I didn't want to be innocent, I didn't want to be good, I wanted to be noticed, I wanted girls to think I was the bad boy, not the "Oh he's such a good friend", but you know what, I have to say? FUCK YOU! I choose to be good, call me your friend, I will be your friend no problem! Don't sleep with me because you're afraid to ruin our friendship! (Even though I know that this is just another way of saying "I'm just not into you sorry." Lol) I'm ok with that, one day I will find someone special, who will love me for being good, not because I can rob a bank or disobey street signs. And will actually want to spend their life with me and have kids with me, because of true love. Until that day, I will wander alone, not searching, not with expectations, if that day never comes, maybe I will be reincarnated in another life (This will definitely be a topic of my next blog entry so stay tuned for that.) where I will have better. Or who knows maybe I will just rot in the ground, at least I know it will be peaceful. "Life is a bitch and then you die." - Kyle Snook.

All humans are insane, thanks for reading the Mind of a Psychopath

The First of Many (I hope)

Checking where everything will appear on my blog and my page, I tend to be a person who really likes to keep everything organized and in order, (OCD) I have never been professionally diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure I have a little bit of it, and to make matters worse I feel I have ADD, because I can never keep my thoughts on one thing at a time, of course it can be an Aries trait, because we Aries get bored easily. Either way, I'm pretty sure my screws are loose in the head, and I have a temper which I have been learning to control surprisingly, something I've never accomplished to do, it has got me in a lot of trouble in the past, after self observation, I came to the conclusion that I am always jealous of people and think that when someone says something even slightly negative whether it be about me or anything, I take offense too it. My cousin Fred has been helping me, he should be a psychiatrist, sometimes I actually feel like a functional, normal human being when I go through sessions with him. Lately I've been feeling pretty sane and am caring less and less of what people think of me, to think I've actually gone up to the opposite sex and tried to make conversation is something very unheard of with me, especially if it was by myself.

I was always fat in school and people would make fun of me, and I never provoked it. I would be kind to every single human being that came in through the classroom, but because today's society everyone always thinks about "Being Cool" and that usually leads to mistreatment of people, especially in our youth today. I grew up with a resentment to everybody, and feared people, in 7th grade I attended all the school dances, but refused to in 8th grade because of all the harassment I received. However things had started changing in 8th grade, I had a growth spurt, actually shed some pounds, but was still chubby, the bullies stopped bullying me so much because now I was bigger than they were. Even my biggest bully in 7th grade took a step back and was afraid of me. And yet that still did not change me, I stayed the same, kind and honest to everyone, I didn't care much for hurting anyone even though I could have. Things didn't change much, except the harassment stopped and I never let anyone pick on me again, but I hated fighting till this day I resent it. I would always make friends with older people, even my past girlfriends were all older than me, my Freshman year, people had the fear of being trash canned by the older students, but not me, I didn't care, because I had the mentality that I would fight back I didn't care if I won, but no one was going to treat me like I was treated in the past. The opposite happened of course, I made a lot of older friends, who when they see me around town will wave or try to catch up with me. Fast forwarding a bit, I have always been a late bloomer, always looked real young, people would think my 16 year old brother was 19 or 20 years old, and they would think I was 16 or 18... of course it was the opposite. But lately I've been losing a lot of weight, and my man meat (baby fat disappearing) I am actually happy to be who I am today. I'm more social, I talk a lot more, and actually feel when I look in the mirror, there's a real good looking guy staring back at me. Of course I am still rejected by the ladies today, quite often, but that's only because I lack game and because I've accepted, men get rejected... I guess it's a woman's revenge for when boys didn't want to play with them on the school playground because they had cooties! Who would've thought that such a stinky smelly chubby girl would become so beautiful and hot! Luckily for me I was kind to everyone, I have many attractive and incredibly hot female friends.

I prefer older women, always have, probably always will, so I won't marry the woman like in my pic to the left here (Sorry Grandma), I do have an age limit and that's 50, if she's 50 she's fair game, hey there are some real cute older women out there, guess the word for them are "cougars"? I love em! Younger women or same aged women sort of bore me, they think they know everything about the world, when clearly they are just as stupid as I am, and let me tell you, I am not THAT stupid. But it's the knowledge and wisdom they hold, in their minds, and in their bodies, even in bed. To know they could have once held you and cradled you at one point, is just hot to me. And I love milfs! Just the thought of a woman breast feeding her baby or had once breast fed is enough to get me wanting to try that breast. Maybe I'm just young, and am going through what all men go through, one day I may want a younger woman, but I don't think so, because I don't believe I will actually live that long. And I don't see that with a pessimistic mentality, it is just I do not see myself living a long life, I've bloomed so late, for a reason. But anyway, that's a whole nother blog post, because with that I can keep going and going, thanks for reading, The Mind of a Psychopath.