The First of Many (I hope)

Checking where everything will appear on my blog and my page, I tend to be a person who really likes to keep everything organized and in order, (OCD) I have never been professionally diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure I have a little bit of it, and to make matters worse I feel I have ADD, because I can never keep my thoughts on one thing at a time, of course it can be an Aries trait, because we Aries get bored easily. Either way, I'm pretty sure my screws are loose in the head, and I have a temper which I have been learning to control surprisingly, something I've never accomplished to do, it has got me in a lot of trouble in the past, after self observation, I came to the conclusion that I am always jealous of people and think that when someone says something even slightly negative whether it be about me or anything, I take offense too it. My cousin Fred has been helping me, he should be a psychiatrist, sometimes I actually feel like a functional, normal human being when I go through sessions with him. Lately I've been feeling pretty sane and am caring less and less of what people think of me, to think I've actually gone up to the opposite sex and tried to make conversation is something very unheard of with me, especially if it was by myself.

I was always fat in school and people would make fun of me, and I never provoked it. I would be kind to every single human being that came in through the classroom, but because today's society everyone always thinks about "Being Cool" and that usually leads to mistreatment of people, especially in our youth today. I grew up with a resentment to everybody, and feared people, in 7th grade I attended all the school dances, but refused to in 8th grade because of all the harassment I received. However things had started changing in 8th grade, I had a growth spurt, actually shed some pounds, but was still chubby, the bullies stopped bullying me so much because now I was bigger than they were. Even my biggest bully in 7th grade took a step back and was afraid of me. And yet that still did not change me, I stayed the same, kind and honest to everyone, I didn't care much for hurting anyone even though I could have. Things didn't change much, except the harassment stopped and I never let anyone pick on me again, but I hated fighting till this day I resent it. I would always make friends with older people, even my past girlfriends were all older than me, my Freshman year, people had the fear of being trash canned by the older students, but not me, I didn't care, because I had the mentality that I would fight back I didn't care if I won, but no one was going to treat me like I was treated in the past. The opposite happened of course, I made a lot of older friends, who when they see me around town will wave or try to catch up with me. Fast forwarding a bit, I have always been a late bloomer, always looked real young, people would think my 16 year old brother was 19 or 20 years old, and they would think I was 16 or 18... of course it was the opposite. But lately I've been losing a lot of weight, and my man meat (baby fat disappearing) I am actually happy to be who I am today. I'm more social, I talk a lot more, and actually feel when I look in the mirror, there's a real good looking guy staring back at me. Of course I am still rejected by the ladies today, quite often, but that's only because I lack game and because I've accepted, men get rejected... I guess it's a woman's revenge for when boys didn't want to play with them on the school playground because they had cooties! Who would've thought that such a stinky smelly chubby girl would become so beautiful and hot! Luckily for me I was kind to everyone, I have many attractive and incredibly hot female friends.

I prefer older women, always have, probably always will, so I won't marry the woman like in my pic to the left here (Sorry Grandma), I do have an age limit and that's 50, if she's 50 she's fair game, hey there are some real cute older women out there, guess the word for them are "cougars"? I love em! Younger women or same aged women sort of bore me, they think they know everything about the world, when clearly they are just as stupid as I am, and let me tell you, I am not THAT stupid. But it's the knowledge and wisdom they hold, in their minds, and in their bodies, even in bed. To know they could have once held you and cradled you at one point, is just hot to me. And I love milfs! Just the thought of a woman breast feeding her baby or had once breast fed is enough to get me wanting to try that breast. Maybe I'm just young, and am going through what all men go through, one day I may want a younger woman, but I don't think so, because I don't believe I will actually live that long. And I don't see that with a pessimistic mentality, it is just I do not see myself living a long life, I've bloomed so late, for a reason. But anyway, that's a whole nother blog post, because with that I can keep going and going, thanks for reading, The Mind of a Psychopath.